By Cindy Adams
Amanda Perez-Parker thinks in systems and leans into theory. Yet, the result is often a dynamic shift in human connection. Where others might see chaos in a struggling relationship, she sees structure. Where couples might see insurmountable differences, she sees hope.
Amanda is a marriage and family counselor for enCircle, a position created this fall and one that is in high demand. She is working through a wait list, a testament to the need. She says communication issues are what brings most people to her, but she digs deeper into assumptions, emotions and all those elements that are so very human.
"There are always patterns," she explains and she helps couples see them. "Instead of you and me against each other, let’s try you and me against the pattern."
A couple may regularly argue about how often the laundry gets done or why dirty dishes are left in the sink, but Amanda helps them see it’s really about feeling valued or heard. Some couples come to her proactively building tools before marriage or planning a family. Others come for help navigating the complexities of blended families or recovering from betrayal.
"Even when they didn't necessarily want to come, I often hear, 'this is a lot better than I thought, it's a lot less scary, it's even nice and it is really gratifying to witness that shift," Amanda said.
Of course, there are always situations when people aren’t ready and Amanda’s goal is that they leave on a positive note so that when they are ready, they’ll come back.
"A strong marriage is only going to make you show up better for your own children and then they show up better for their friends," Amanda said. "When families struggle, their stress ripples outward, limiting their capacity to give back to their community."
This is what Amanda means by systems-thinking. One strong marriage strengthens a community. Amanda says she meets people from all walks of life in her work, and they make her think about the world differently. They challenge her biases and build her patience and compassion.
"A younger me might have been frustrated with people while I stood in a long grocery line," Amanda said. "Now, I realize that the person holding up the line may be struggling with their own crisis. I slow down and look at things differently."
While systems and theories might sound clinical, in Amanda's hands they are a path back to the individual. She sees the person and hears the heart.
"I love being a counselor," she said. "You have these beautiful, so-human moments."
Learn more about enCircle's Counseling services here.
