By Cindy Adams
For a long time, Susan measured days by how they ended, and some nights she was afraid to see how they would. Her daughter, Ann, had been diagnosed with ADHD and a mood disorder. But there was more. The anger that filled their home had grown into something the family no longer knew how to manage. They were doing everything they could think of. Here is their story in Susan’s words:
Our transracial family includes us (Robert age 65 and Susan age 64) and our two adopted children (Ann now age 18 and Bob now age16). When our daughter was in her early teens, her anger became so intense that I was very scared for our family's safety.
Ann was diagnosed with ADHD and a mood disorder, but during COVID (she was in 6th-7th grade), she really isolated herself from everyone. In 8th grade, things really blew up when she made friends with girls who were using alcohol and drugs. She was so angry at home and had even run away briefly. We had to call the police twice due to her physical aggression toward us and once because she destroyed her room. She was out of control, and I was frightened that she might physically hurt one of us. I did not have a close relationship with her. She was quite angry at me. We needed help. Through some in-home therapy, we discovered that Ann was also suicidal.
Lauren Knox-Simpkins, one of enCircle's Post Adoption Support Coaches, was a great teacher and a tremendous asset to what we called our family’s "Healing Team." We met with her weekly starting in 2022. She allowed us to vent, and she offered valuable suggestions. She encouraged me to take an empathetic approach with Ann. She showed me how to acknowledge the challenges that Ann was facing, and also allow Ann freedom to select from acceptable, safe choices. Lauren explained how the "ADHD brain" works, and she gave us helpful tools to implement into our daily routines.
Lauren convinced us to focus on the bond with our daughter, and over a long time our relationship has improved so much! Lauren told me that it is best to approach a teen with concern about their safety. She also helped by encouraging us to pursue a 504 plan and school accommodations. Lauren helped us examine how we could create more peace and calm in our home. Along our journey, Lauren kept providing words of comfort and support.
Now I am not afraid of going to bed at night. Ann is less depressed now, although she still has the challenges of ADHD and a mood disorder. She is in college and has normal drama (like complaining about her suitemates). We have actually been shocked at how much she has been in contact with us since she went away to school. I am relieved. And I am so grateful to have a close relationship with both of my teenagers now.
These days, Susan goes to bed without fear. The drama in the family is the "ordinary" kind. Ann is no longer weighed down by depression, and she and her parents are close in a way that once seemed unimaginable.
That's what enCircle's Post Adoption Case Management program is meant to do. Its goal is to connect families with the resources available to them and to work with other professionals to create a support system. Services are always family-driven and trauma-responsive with the intent of empowering families to be successful. It will look different for everyone, but for Robert, Susan, Ann and Bob, it helped a family find its way back to each other.
Learn more about enCircle's post-adoption services here, or click here to donate to enCircle's youth and family programs.
